UPDATE: Beach house reveiw!!!! by Alisha

So, here's my review of the Beach House show that happened so long ago I don't even remember what day it was: It was at the El Macombo, I remember that. Is that how you spell Macombo? Nope, I looked it up and it is actually spelled this way: Mocambo. Which is misleading because no one actually pronounces it that way.

Anyway, it was at the El Mocambo. We arrived early, and by early I mean the doors were not even open yet, and by the doors were not even open yet I mean WE ARE HUGE LOSERS. I don't remember why we were so early and where we were before that... either way we decided we needed to get some beer. Oh wait, now I remember, we were out at another bar before that, drinking beer. Anyway, we needed some more beer. We tried to go to the Red Room, but it was so packed that there was no seating and we had to do that thing where you walk through the entire bar trying to look for a seat and everyone watches you and feels sorry for you while simultaneously being glad that they are not you. Alas, despite our best walking through the bar efforts, no seats were found.

Then SOMEONE (it could have been me) suggested we go to the Silver Dollar. I kept telling everyone it was a jazz bar. Is it even a jazz bar? I have no idea. It sounded cool at the time and I kind of convinced myself to believe it as well. The guy at the door wanted us to pay cover but I wooed him into just letting us in for free. I can be persuasive.

We sat down beside the stage and drank some foul and mysterious tasting draft aka draught beer. Mine was supposed to be Stella but it tasted sweet and stale, kind of like when you accidentally drink an open pop can that you think is your current pop but is actually the pop you opened two weeks ago. I was also filled with that same sense of dread when I realized I shouldn't be drinking it.

All of a sudden a crazy band came on stage. Note: the drummer was not wearing pants. Actually, all he was wearing was underwear of the "tighty-whitey" variety. No one believed me at the time, but it was true. Apparently if a man is walking through a bar wearing only underwear, I am the only one to notice. The band was lame. I don't really remember in what specific way they sucked, but I do remember the lead singer was doing a lot of rock star poses and kicks and motions with his hands and so naturally, we made fun of him.

We quickly drank our disgusting beer and then had to walk in front of the band and the entire almost-empty dance floor in front of them to leave. This sort of situation always stresses me out because I worry the band will be all like, "Whoa whoa whoa- where do you think you're going?" and for some reason I am terrified of being singled out. It must have something to do with school like where a teacher calls on you and you don't know the answer. Traumatizing, right?

Alright I'm getting to the Beach House part, but I have to be honest, I'm a little tired of writing at this point.

SOOOO we finally go to the El Mo (I've shortened it's name because I don't remember the correct spelling and it's way up at the top of the page and I don't want to break my stride to scroll up. Plus, people call it the El Mo anyway because it's cooler and then people know you're not a tourist, which is important if you live in Toronto.) We go in and immediately get a beer. Oh wait, I should note that we did not get id'd. We never do anymore and this is because we are old and it is obvious to bouncers everywhere. How sad.

The bar was kind of empty so we went to the front and pretty much stood there the duration of the night. I'm just going to clear that up now in case later on in the review you're wondering where we were standing. You'll now know that it was at the front. On the right side, to be specific.

So there were two opening bands, I think. It all kind of blurs together at this point mostly because the opening bands are reaaaaally reeeeeally slow. I mean, I like mellow bands and all, don't get me wrong. I'm the one who dragged everyone along with me to Beach House because I love them so much. But here's the thing: When you have to stand in one spot listening to (possibly) numerous mellow bands, it starts to wear you down. Even leaning on the wall stops being relaxing and you just start going into survival mode trying to figure out how you're going to get through it. You know, taking it one song at a time. The thoughts that run through your head are like this: "If I can just make it through this song, I'll be ok. I won't think about how many songs are going to come after this one. All I am going to focus on at this moment is surviving this one song. And how long is one song, really? 3 to 5 minutes? I can totally do this."

Anyway, at this point either I had consumed too much beer or slipped into a coma because I literally have no recollection of the opening bands. We probably did that whole, "Which band member would you sleep with?" thing, but I can't be sure. Oh yeah- at one point two tall guys stood directly in front of us (as tall guys are wont to do) and my friend (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) yelled at them, for which I felt bad because they profusely apologized to me (since I'm shorter than everyone). In fact, the one guy kept apologizing repeatedly throughout the night. He left and came back and again pointed out to me that he was going to stand to the side so I could see. It didn't really matter because at this point I was actually too drunk to focus on much.

FINALLY Beach House came on and they were, of course, awesome. Unfortunately the venue and the lineup had worn us down to pale imitations of the people we were when we first came in, and we were forced to go allllll the way to the back of the bar in some sort of psychological attempt to feel better, like rocking in the corner or something. It didn't work, and in fact, I started feeling really pukey, which I of course downplayed so no one knew there was any problem whatsoever because I am a Smooth Operator. However, when I suggested we go home, no one objected, so maybe I wasn't the only one who was close to vomiting.

And so, in conclusion, get there early enough to get a seat at the Red Room, do not drink gross beer from the Silver Dollar, arrive later at the El Mo so as to skip the opening bands, and Beach House will probably be the best show you've ever seen. But seriously, buy their new album Devotion, because it will blow your mind. PLUS!!! At your own house, you can listen to it sitting down.


By, Alisha Trigatti